Tabishland

"There he sits with a pen and a yellow pad / What a handsome lad / That's my boy / BRLFQ spells mom and dad / But that ain't too bad / That's my boy"
"Watching Scotty Grow" by Mac Davis

"Someone left the cake out in the rain / and I don't think that I can take it / 'cause it took so long to bake it / and I'll never have that recipe again / oh no."
"MacArthur Park" by Richard Harris

"Immigrants and faggots / make no sense to me / they come into our country / and spread some fucking disease"
[I don't remember the name but it's by Guns N Roses].

My sister Cath offers up:
"I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar / that much is true / but I always knew i'd find a better place / with or without you / The five years we have had have been such good times / I still love you / But now I think it's time I live my life on my own / I guess it's something I must do"
"Dont You Want Me" by The Human League
 

My all time favorite is a madrigal called "Come Again, Sweet Love" by John Dowland that you kind of have to hear to get, unfortunately. I'll see if I can muster up a clip. It's not that the lyrics are bad, it's that they're bad in comparison to the music. The music is frilly and happy in typical madrigal fashion, the lyrics go:

I sit, I sigh,
I weep, I faint,
I die, in deadly pain
and endless misery

My second favorite, Tony Orlando and Dawn:

One floor below me
You don't even know me
I love you
 

nicely done. Yeah, 'cause true love can only really occur between strangers. The more I think of that line, the creepier it gets.
 

Anybody else into The Darkness? Sort of Queen meets Spinal Tap with an excellent 70's hard rock sound. They never let on whether they're a parody act or not and so the dry wit English have put them at the top of their charts.

THE DARKNESS LYRICS

"Bald"

It would appear that male pattern
baldness has set in
his hair, at an alarming pace
running away from his face
he's losing his virility
and now his masculinity
has been compromised
and his libido down-sized

Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand

Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.

From what I have been reading
his scalp needs kneading
to stimulate each follicle
and reverse this diabolical
condition that's afflicted he
for years and has cruelly
repulsed each potential mate
and left him with a balding pate

Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand

Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.

Sock it to me baby, yeah!

Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand

Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand

Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.
Thank God!

Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.
How?
 

A song about a love and affection, perhaps?

"Growing On Me"

I can't get rid of you
I don't know what to do
I don't even know who is growing on who
'Cos everywhere I go you're there
Can't get you out of my hair
Can't pretend that I don't care - it's not fair

I'm being punished for all my offences
I wanna touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences
I wanna banish you from whence you came
But you're part of me now
And I've only got myself to blame

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
Any fool can see

Sleeping in an empty bed
Can't get you off my head
I won't have a life until you're dead
Yes, you heard what I said

I wanna shake you off but you just won't go
And you're all over me but I don't want anyone to know
That you're attached to me, that's how you've grown
Won't you leave me, leave me alone

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
Any fool can see

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)

Or rather affliction?: the lads claim it's about STDs.

Might be worth downloading a clip from iTunes?
 

Think of the chorus to Toni Basil's "Mickey": "Oh, Mickey you're so fine, You're so fine, you blow my mind...."

Good.

Now they're stuck in your brain for the rest of the day.
 

"Hey Macarana!"

There, now Toni Basil is unstuck from your head.
 

must delete....delete...delete....delete...
 

I told myself when I read "Mickey" and "Macarena" that I'd see the next time I got to the blog which stuck in my head. Then I forgot about it, and when I got back, realized the song in my head was "I Can't Get Enough of Your Love" which is Bad Company for God's sake and not even on those lists. Sometimes I honestly wonder about my sanity.
 

Since you brought it up, so do we ;-)
 

I'm concerned that Joe used a winking smily. I'm very, very concerned.
 

No one has posted my all-time favorite bad lyrics:

From "Muskrat Love"

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love.


Nothing better than rodent porn.
 

Nell, by knowing and reciting the lyrics of this tune, does that mean you are listening to rodent porn too much? There are studies on this you know...

BTW, I have not heard this song in two decades. At least. This thread is starting to creep me out.
 

I think if you take Tim's creeping growing thing and Nell's rodent porn and combine them, you might really have something.

What's wrong with winking smilies? Some times that says volumes. Honestly, you purists.
 

Tim- this is the string for bad lyrics. Bald belongs in the string "best lyrics I've vere seen and wish I would have thought of it first!"
 

Ian who are you now, and what does that photo say?

re: rodent porn,
When in Clymer...
 

Stand up comic Jan Murray
 

Back to the topic: I told everyone at band practice tonight I was going to hold these lyrics up as the worst ever. I still can't believe our drummer talked me into doing this song...it took him months but he finally convinced me on the grounds of "cool synth licks." At least I don't have to sing it.

Can anyone guess the song?

Take your car, yes we will, we'll take your car and drive it
Take it to a motel room, and take 'em off in private
A part of me has just been wrecked
The pages from my mind are stripped
Oh no, I can't deny it
Oh yeah, I guess I got to buy it
 

"Centerfold" by the J. Geils Band. Your keyboard player's taste is questionable - I'd hardly classify that song as having "cool synth licks".

And I should point out that the song would be much much cooler and edgier if YOU sang it Ms. Andersen.

And you can't talk about the J. Geils Band without mentioning Magic Dick, their harmonica player: Magic Dick.
 

*I'M* the damn keyboard player. That's the bad part. HE said they were cool, and they may not be cool, but they ARE fun to play. They really are, I can't help it. No, really.

As far as singing it, we do have several guy songs I do, and I never change the gender. "Baby, here I am, I'm a man of your dreams..." and YES, it does give it a certain edge. But I wouldn't sing Centerfold. I do have limits.

We have a harmonica player, his name is Norm.