Tabishland

May we take this moment to heed the wise words of 'burgh native Stephen Foster, who wrote and published the following as the Civil War raged in 1864:

Your head may be thick as a block,
And empty as any foot-ball,
Oh! your eyes may be green as the grass
Your heart just as hard as a wall.
Yet take the advice that I give,
You'll soon gain affection and cash,
And will be all the rage with the girls,
If you'll only get a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only get a moustache.
 

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Hi Jeff,
Good to see there are still folks out there. Thanks for da'Foster. I had to look up the whole song. Thanks you have made my day!
If You've Only Got a Moustache

Oh! all of you poor single men,
Don't ever give up in despair,
For there's always a chance while there's life
To capture the hearts of the fair,
No matter what may be your age,
You always may cut a fine dash,
You will suit all the girls to a hair
If you've only got a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you've only got a moustache.

No matter for manners or style,
No matter for birth or for fame,
All these used to have something to do
With young ladies changing their name,
There's no reason now to despond,
Or go and do any thing rash,
For you'll do though you can't raise a cent,
If you'll only raise a moustache!
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only raise a moustache.

You head may be thick as a block,
And empty as any foot-ball,
Oh! your eyes may be green as the grass
You heart just as hard as a wall.
Yet take the advice that I give,
You'll soon gain affection and cash,
And will be all the rage with the girls,
If you'll only get a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only get a moustache.

I once was in sorrow and tears
Because I was jilted you know,
So right down to the river I ran
To quickly dispose of my woe,
A good friend he gave me advice
And timely prevented the splash,
Now at home I've a wife and ten heirs,
And all through a handsome moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
And all through a handsome moustache.
 

Most chicks will never enjoy a nappy 'tache, but check out this revolutionary cosmetic product ladies:
http://fashaddix.com/2009/09/latisse-parody-funny-or-die-funny/
 

Ewww. Honest to God. You know, some of us aren't used to looking at squishy insides all day. Have a heart. I mean, have one...don't cut one open.
 

I think the Latisse/Lashisse thing is hilarious! (Sorry, Kim)

I know someone who uses the stuff and it does work. However, it produces freakishly long lashes that bear a remarkable resemblence to those in the parody. Plus it can change the color of one's eyes. That elicits an ewwww from me.
 

Eeeuuuwwww and oooohhhh.

What does it do to the rest of your hairy parts?

Hi Everyone!